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Thousands of eyes are pinned on me

A poem for anyone who has ever had to go on stage and felt great nervousness in that moment. . . even if they had a more dignified performance expected of them than was expected of me on this occasion!

In a Theatre

Simon Rees

Thousands of eyes are pinned on me,
here on the stage where i stand,
and yet i am struggling to understand
what they have come to see.
I have learnt no lines - i am casually dressed -
and a microphone has been placed
behind me, at barely the height of my waist,
so i have to make sure i suppress
the urge - with my stage-fright steadily growing -
to fart any moment! A man
appears in the wings, starts to wave his hand
and grimace, with all his teeth showing.
It comes to me suddenly what i must do,
so i bend over, ready to fart,
and with a loud parp promote as an art
the bowel action which - it is true -
the theatre has never made much of: it comes,
with a long, slowly rippling rasp,
and the crowd goes wild - some faint with a gasp,
others cheer, and hold up their thumbs,
before, with a noise like thunder, they all
put their hands together and clap,
whereupon i awake from my startling nap
to a blank, unappreciative wall.



© Copyright 2007 Simon Rees

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Disclaimer: The information at this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. The content of this website comprises only the observations and opinions of the authors and contributors: it does not constitute medical advice to readers.


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